I'm sorry my penis didn't work
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
