drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
