every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
