At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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