I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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