At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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