Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
