I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
