Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize