Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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