I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
