thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
