Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
