i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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