my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
