just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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