I'm going to jail i love you
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
