Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
