jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
