We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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