Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
