I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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