on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
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i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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