Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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