if i can run in heels then i can drive
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
