2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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