she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
