You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
