She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
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He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
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My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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