Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
time to smoke my breakfast
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
