I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
