the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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