I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
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if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
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I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
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