is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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