I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
