I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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