Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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