dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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