I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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