I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
