I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
