THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
