So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
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