i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
