I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
