she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
