she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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