Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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