Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
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