I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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