Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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