I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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