dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
