A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
You smell like stripper and shame
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
