wrigley field is MILF paradise
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
