Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
