So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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