I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
