I showed him my bush... on skype.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize