this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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