if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
