wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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