he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Randomize
